If you're just starting off to learn meditation, either with a guided meditation group or on your own, you sit for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit daily at the same time, morning or evening, whichever suits you best. You let the daily five to ten minutes to expand to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks pass, but you certainly don't try and force the pace.
Meditation isn't about tightening the teeth in determination. It's about sitting quietly with yourself, and although it involves its own kind of discipline this has nothing to do with stiffness than with compliant and letting go.
When the inevitable thoughts or feelings come up, you allow them to pass into and out of consciousness like clouds reflected in water. You don't try to push them off, but leave them to pass on their own accord. Irrespective of how 'important' the thoughts seem to be or how pressing or disturbing the sentiments, you don't hang on to them or let one thought or emotion to trigger another and another till you are off on an inattentiveness track that takes you further and further from the simple matter of the breathe in and breathe out.
If, nevertheless, you do lose control, gently but confidently go back to your breathing the moment you realize this has cropped up. Avoid being irritated with yourself or convincing yourself you'll never learn how to meditate. Your deviating mind is simply demonstrating to you just how much you have to apply your meditation techniques. It is assisting you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, appreciation towards that part of your mind that has become aware you are wool-gathering and that has reminded you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot overstate how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you curse yourself each time you become aware you are disoriented in thought, you will not only be provoking the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be taming your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and certainly it doesn't like being punished. So it will remind you less and less often, and you will find concentration becomes harder and harder. In response to the dissatisfaction that this brings, your mind will then start whispering persuasively to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well encouraged to find something greater to do with your time.
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